Welcome to A Cauldron Of Thoughts. An outlet for the things brewing inside of me.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

An Early Morning with Noah

I'm not a morning person, nor have I ever claimed to be one. My children know this but insist on torturing me by waking me up during daylight hours. Some friends told me I would become a morning person when I had children. Never happened... and I don't speak to those 'friends' anymore. Oh, I'm up and all, but how coherent on any given day, is anyone's guess. Some days the answer to that becomes evident, like when I decide it's best to store the coffee cream in the cupboard, or when I run the washing machine without actually including the laundry. But it's the days when either Gabe or Noah decide they absolutely must get up between 4 and 6 am to party with me that I find the toughest... and sweetest. I swear sometimes that Gabe and Noah are connected psychically, because just when one is ready to go back to bed and my fantasies of more sleep seem a close reality, the other decides that 5 minutes of rest for me is quite enough. And so it was, that my morning today began at 6:30am. With Noah.

I can tell when he's not gonna just roll over and go back to sleep. I'm his mother after all. But that never stops me from giving it my best shot.

Noah (whispering): Mama, I want to put a shirt on and I need some food.

Me: (In my head, I'm actually praying that if I don't answer him he'll a) forget b) fall back alseep or c) have mercy on the soul of the one who birthed him).

No such luck.

Noah: (yawning) Mama, I want to put a shirt on and I need something to eat.

Me: Really Noah? Cause look, it's still dark outside (and to present the obvious to him, I point in the general direction of the window), and you're yawning, a sure sign that you're still tired...

Noah: No.

"No." Simply stated and right to the point. It means "I'm not buying your tricks." I love children for their honesty, but I could use a little humouring right now. I try again. Cause I'm not a quitter.

Me: Don't you wanna stay and snuggle with me under the cozy blankets? (Note all the temptation I've packed into this one short sentence: snuggle, me, cozy, blankets. How can he resist?)

Noah: No.

This second "no" is nothing like the first. It's the "no" signaling that I've already lost the battle. It's the "no" that says: "I have a plan and you're coming with me. Accept my will now and things will go alot easier for you." I decide to give in.

Me: Ok Noah, let's get up.

This is met with the type of enthusiasm usually reserved for the toy section at the store.

So, my still sleepy baby crawls over to me, puts his arms around me, and tucks his face into my neck. I stop to get a shirt, then carry him downstairs to the couch where I sit him down beside me. Immediately, he crawls into my lap and asks to watch PlayHouse Disney. Ok, I say as I flick on the tv. He seems quite content. I'm happy too, but want to get the food show on the road, so we can both head back to bed.

Me: What would you like to eat Noah?

Noah: Nawphing.

Me: (Nothing?? Are you kidding me??? I think to myself). I thought you were hungry honey?

Noah: No.

Another "no" stated emphatically. This has happened before and I've come to realize that these moments are our most special times together. Noah is never still except during these requested snuggle times and all I have to do is sit quietly and hold him. This magic lasts for about an hour when Noah finally turns to me and asks me to take him back to bed. So, I do. I snuggle in beside him for the 20 minutes it takes for him to fall back asleep and happily, I feel myself drifting off too. Moments later, I feel something else too. A light tapping on my shoulder and I roll over to see. I greet Gabriel with a big smile on my face, showing him all the love I have for him in just one look.

Gabriel: Good morning mama! Wanna come race with me on the Wii?

Me: Sure, let's go.

Did I even get 5 minutes of fantasy sleep? Not sure. Not sure I really care either cause I'm getting more magical time, this time with Gabe. If I have to be up during daylight hours, I can't think of two better reasons to be up.

Book Review - Covet by J.R. Ward

In the world of paranormal romance, J.R. Ward is huge. Best known for her Black Daggar Brotherhood series which centres around a bunch of hard-living, heroic vampires, Ward is back venturing into the world of Fallen Angels. Covet is the first in this new seven book series, one for each of the deadly sins.

Covet introduces us to Jim Heron, a newly fallen angel, recruited to save the souls of seven people from the seven deadly sins. Although it's a classic battle between good and evil, Ward's characters are always interesting because they walk a fine line between these two polar traits. Jim was an assassin in his previous life and seems to have plenty to make up for. His first assignment involves saving one Vin Di Pietro from the evil that has a deep claim on his soul. He also has to unite Vin with his true love, (of course) and it is only through her that Vin realizes what he's been missing all along (of course).

I'd first like to state that I am one among the legion of fans who absolutely crave reading the next installment of Ward's Black Daggar Brotherhood series. I recommend them to anyone who loves the paranormal romance genre, or vampires, or fast paced action, or sassy dialogue. That being said, I was excited to hear about Ward's new foray into the angel realm. And so, it was with a fair bit of excitement and anticipation that I began reading Covet.

I will say, I think it's an ok start to the series. It's left alot of questions to be answered and I suspect will be answered throughout the next six books. I'm interested to see where she's going to take this Jim character, how she's going to explain the whole fallen angel bit, and love her newly created villain Devina, so evil, she must be the Devil's left testicle. I must admit, I wasn't emotionally invested in her two lead characters who form the romance duo. I found them flat and predictable. Even the plot and action moved along a tad slower than what I'm used to with Ward's work. As the first work in a series, I am willing to cut it some slack and as a fan, I will definitely be looking to give book 2 a read.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

The Clifftop

Standing at the edge
Her toes curled around sharp rock
Cutting into the soft soles
Of her feet.

The wind whips her long hair around
And she's half blinded by the kiss.
As it has always been,
Make the choice; live with the consequences.

Looking down
Into the abyss
She did not come here alone,
Yet here she stands - solitary.

The wind whips again
Wrapping her long skirt
Around her legs
Binding her to the spot.

She is in between
At a crossroads
Everywhere and nowhere
All at once.

The step, whether forward or back,
Won't just take her
But everyone else
She knows and loves.

Either way
Everyone is entangled
The weight of the world is...
Well, you know.

The wind stops; the stillness is absolute.
She takes a step.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

2010 - A Brief Visual

I want to be happy again.

I want to achieve financial independence and be able to take care of my family. Maybe this will be the year that my own business takes off.

I want to be a good mother. I think I'm doing a fine job so far, but I always want to do better. Gabriel and Noah deserve nothing less.

I want to feel butterflies in my stomach. I want to feel that secret smile, that's attached to my heartstrings, spread across my face.

I want to feel good about myself again. I want to reclaim my sexy, physical self.

I want to go back to my writer's group that I enjoyed so much being a part of. I love to write. It's the perfect therapy. This will be the year I start to write the book that's been brewing inside of me since I was a little girl and preferred playing vampires over Barbies.

I have a busy 2010 ahead...